Mass Effect Western
by Marioninja1
Summary: The Western version of ME2, where revolvers, carriages, and cowboy hats are the norm. Read and Review.
1. Chapter 1

A rare gust of air blew as a man in a cloak trotted into town on a horse. Everyone stopped what they were doing when they saw the mysterious man, and instantly knew that he had seen many, many shootouts. He went to the bar, Afterlife, and walked in, ordering Serrice Ice Brandy.

"Now, do I know you?" A quarian lady asked.

"Ma'am, you prob'ly don't wanna know me." The Stranger said. The quarian lady shrugged.

"Just askin'." The lady said, walking out of Afterlife just as a dark-haired woman walked in.

"Hey Deputy." The bartender said.

"Jacob." The lady nodded. "Any idea where that-" The lady looked straight at the stranger. "So, you that stranger?"

"Suppose so." The Stranger said, draining his cup.

"We need your help. I'm Deputy Lawson." The lady said. "The Sheriff knows 'bout you. Heard good things."

"'Good' meanin'?"

"That you do the impossible, Shepard." Deputy Lawson said, and the bar was immediately silenced.

"Not so much of a stranger when you go tellin' everybody who I am." The Stranger- Shepard - said.

"Not so gentlemanly when you hide who you are. The Sheriff's been lookin' for you for quite a bit o' time." Deputy Lawson said.

"Maybe I didn't wanna be found." Shepard said.

"You saved Citadel, the most advanced city there is. Why would you go in hidin' 'cause that?" Deputy Lawson asked.

"That, Ms. Lawson, is personal. Why does the Sheriff want help from lil' ole me?" Shepard asked.

"You can ask him that when you-" Deputy Lawson was cut off by a scream.

"Put the booze on my tab!" Shepard shouted as he ran to where the scream came from.


	2. Chapter 2

In the alley beside Afterlife a turian had knocked down the quarian lady, and was about to do something that was very rude when Shepard interrupted.

"You no-good son of a bitch!" Shepard shouted, tackling the turian. He drew his revolver and put it up to the turian's head. "You wanna hurt Tali again?" The turian shook his head. "If I see you again, you ain't gonna take another breath." Shepard let the turian get up, and the turian started walking away when the Deputy quickly drew her revolver and shot him.

"You were gonna let him get away?" Miranda asked, but Shepard ignored her, instead going to the quarian's side.

"You okay Tali?" Shepard asked.

"Shepard? Why didn't you tell me it was you?" Tali asked, getting up to her feet with Shepard's help.

"Didn't wanna open old wounds. People said I was dead, and I wanted to keep it that way." Shepard said. "You changed since I saw you last."

"Two years does that to a person." Tali said. "I gotta get back to the Migrant Wagon Train. 'S nice to know you're back."

Shepard nodded, letting her go, then turned his attention to Deputy Lawson. "Wanna take me to meet the Sheriff?"

The Deputy nodded, then gestured for Shepard to follow. "That bartender, Jacob? He's workin' for the Sheriff- undercover, for now. What 'ya been doin' for those two years you were gone?"

"Nothin' much. 'Came a hermit for a little. 'Course, past came back to me and I needed to wander the country 'gain." Shepard said.

"In there." Deputy Lawson said.

"Can I get a first name?" Shepard asked.

"If you join us, I reckon' you can." The Deputy said, shutting the door behind him.

"Nice to meet you, Shepard." A woman's voice said. It was coming from a red-head in the middle of the room. "I am the Sheriff, though some know me as the Illusive Man."

"The hell? Ain't we meetin' in person?" Shepard asked.

"No. For people like me, it's much too dangerous to go to Lazarus." The red-head said after tapping what Shepard said to the Illusive Man.

"You think I can be killed by some average Joe?"

"No, but I need your help. There is a gang, known as the Collectors. They've been attacking some of my cities. I have challenged them to a showdown next month in the city you're in right now." The Illusive Man said. "I know you're supposed to be fighting the government agency destroying the West-"

"The Reapers." Shepard growled.

"Yes, the Reapers. I have it on reliable information that the Reapers have a significant influence in what the Collectors are doing. So, when the Collectors raid the West, the Reapers are really to blame." The Illusive Man said. "My organization, however, wants to remedy that. So you'll work for us-"

"I ain't workin' for Cerberus. I don't work for nobody but the Citadel. I'm doin' this for the West." Shepard said.

"Good. Deputy Miranda Lawson and Officer Jacob Taylor will be your main crew. You may find others, if you feel so inclined." The Illusive Man said. "Good luck, Shepard."

"Yeah, sure." Shepard said, walking out of the building. "Deputy, let's round us up that Jacob guy."

"Yes sir." Miranda said.

"Can I call 'ya Miranda?"

"It'd be shorter than callin' me Deputy Lawson." Miranda said.

"Thank 'ya kindly." Shepard said, then he put his ragged cowboy hat back on, made sure his lasso was on his belt, made sure his revolver was loaded, and pulled his black bandana up to his nose so it covered his mouth. "Any idea what we should do?"

"We should gather up teammates. There's plenty 'o Collectors, and Jacob and Me ain't enough to hold the fort." Miranda said.

"Smart girl, ain'tcha?" Shepard asked.

"I was brutally trained to be perfect." Miranda said.

"Are ya'?"

"I'm just human, sir. I make mistakes." Miranda said.

"As do we all." Shepard said, walking over to the bar.


	3. Chapter 3

Shepard and his crew galloped through the desert on horses, following a carriage full of vorcha that had the cure to a plague that was sweeping a city where Doctor Mordin Solus, a Salarian that Shepard was going to recruit, lived. Shepard took his revolver out, accounted for the bounce of Kaidan, his horse named after a lost friend, and blew the head off of one of the vorcha.

"How'd ya' d-" Miranda coughed as sand went into her mouth.

"Get yourself a bandana. Keeps sand out o' your mouth." Shepard said, standing up on his horse as it got close to the carriage.

"What're ya' doin', Shepard?" Jacob asked.

"Finishin' this!" Shepard said, jumping and grabbing onto the back of the carriage. His gloved hands caught onto a metal bar on the back, and Shepard climbed onto the top of the carriage. "C'mon ya' yella'-bellied-" Shepard nearly got shot. "Gonna shoot a man without a weapon?" Shepard kicked the feet out from under the vorcha that had shot at him, then knocked another's teeth out. He was about to knock the over vorcha down when the vorcha said "I'll never die by a human hand!" and promptly jumped off the carriage.

"Nutjob." Shepard said, taking the reins and stopping the carriage. Shepard jumped off the carriage and opened the back, intending to make sure the pills were there. When Shepard opened it, however, he found a man that was gagged and tied down with ropes in addition to the pills. "I reckon your Daniel?" Shepard asked, pulling his bandana down with two fingers.

The man nodded.

"The good doctor told us to come and get'cha, if'n we ran by ya'." Shepard said, walking over and taking a knife out of his boot. "Stop wigglin' and I'll cut ya' loose."

M.E.W.

Back in Normandy, Shepard walked up the stairs in a three-story building and found a fancy bedroom.

"You'll be stayin' here when your workin' with the Illusive Man." Miranda said.

"Thank ya' kindly." Shepard said, taking off his duster and putting it on a coat rack, then placing his hat beside of it. "Will the rest 'o the crew be stayin' in this buildin'?"

"Yes." Miranda said. "We got an old crewmember o' yours, a certain Chakwas, but she's not here yet. We also got Joker, but he's on the same train as Chakwas."

"Joker?" Shepard smiled. "Best horse trained I ever did see. Trained Kaidan out there."

"Kaiden? Ain't that one o' your old crewmembers?" Miranda asked.

"Yeah. Died fightin' 'gainst Saren." Shepard said. "Gotta get some shut-eye. G'night Miranda."

"Night Shepard." Miranda said.

Shepard took his boots of and sat on the bed. "Been a long time since I got to sleep in a good bed like this." Shepard laid on the bed and quickly fell asleep.

M.E.W.

Miranda was crackling with psychic blue energy, and used warp on one of the mercenaries. Garrus quickly killed several mercenaries with his hunting rifle as they broke through the door. "Shepard, ya' better haul ass and kill these boys!" Garrus shouted.

"I'm gettin' it done, ya' ornery bastard!" Shepard said, drawing his revolver and killing two mercenaries. Suddenly, a man threw TNT to the top floor and Garrus was caught in the blast. Shepard ran over to Garrus and saw the smoke drifting off of his face. "Y'all gonna pay now!"

M.E.W.

"Chakwas put him back together as best she could. I ain't gonna lie: it's bad, but-" Jacob stopped talking as Garrus walked in. The turian had metal on his face, and his face was very scarred. "Damn, tough turian. Didn't expect him to be up by now. I'll be in my room." Jacob nodded, walking out of the room.

"How bad's it?" Garrus asked.

"You 're ugly already. Put some paint on and you'll look like nothin' happened." Shepard smiled.

Garrus chuckled, then groaned in pain. "Try not 'ta make me laugh. My face ain't holdin' together too good. I'm worried 'bout ya', Shepard. Cerberus? Workin' with rascists now?"

"Nah, I ain't workin' with 'em. I'm workin' to save humans. Now that I got ya' by me I feel better, though." Shepard said.

"Got me goin' inta hell again? Just like old times." Garrus said. "I'll be messin' 'round with the guns y'all got 'round here."


	4. Chapter 4

Shepard woke up and looked at himself in the mirror. He had a brown beard, brown hair, and bright blue eyes that had seen too much fighting. Shepard sighed and put his duster on, fixed his bandana so that it easily could be pulled to cover his mouth or hang around his neck, and put his old cowboy hat on, and opened the door. Shepard was immediately greeted by a red-headed woman wearing men's clothing (every woman Shepard worked with wore men's clothing- as 'It's hell fightin' in a dress.')

"Howdy, I'm your secretary, Kelly Chambers." The woman said. Shepard recognized her as the woman who read what the Illusive Man sent over the telegraph.

"A pleasure, Ms. Chambers. I'm Shepard, dependin' on who's askin'." Shepard said, shaking her hand.

"Please, just call me Kelly." Kelly said.

"Sure, Kelly." Shepard said. "Best be getting to work. Maybe we can talk later?"

"I understand." Kelly nodded. "They're havin' breakfast in the kitchen downstairs." Shepard nodded, walking down the rickety wooden stairs. Shepard was about to go into the kitchen when the front door opened and two familiar figures walked into the building, one of them limping and thinking of a joke and the other just smiling.

"Hell, hell, the gang's all here!" Shepard smiled, carefully shaking Jokers hand, then kissing Doctor Chakwas'. "Ya'll workin' for Cerberus now?"

"No, we're working for you." Doctor Chakwas said. She still had her formal British accent.

"'Course, gettin' to raise horses ain't too bad. Citadel's pissed we stole the Normandy." Joker said.

"Ain't blamin' them. That carriage cost a pretty penny or two." Shepard said. "Ya'll know we got Garrus back, right?"

"No." Joker said. "Worked that stick outta his ass?"

"Yeah, but now he's beatin' people with it." Shepard said. "I'm gonna get a bite to eat 'nd head out for this Jack feller. Ya'll hungry?"

"Yeah. Ain't no food on Cerberus trains for a poor horse breeder." Joker said, making puppy-dog eyes.

"Y'ain't no 'poor horse breeder.' You got plenty a credits somewhere." Shepard said. "Prob'ly in that damn hat you love so much."

Right on cue, Joker's hands held his cowboy hat tightly against his head. "Touch my hat 'n I'll kill ya'!"

"I ain't gonna touch that nasty hat. Prob'ly covered in horse-" Shepard began.

"There is a lady in here, and, being gentlemen, you'll watch your language." Doctor Chakwas said.

"Where's a lady?" Joker smiled, holding a hand over his eyes to block out the sun as he scanned the room.

M.E.W.

The wagons pulled up as Miranda, Garrus, and Shepard waited in the sun. A turian wearing a blue jacket with the Blue Suns sign on the back walked out, then gestured for two men to pull a wagon closer.

"Kuril?" Shepard asked.

"One and only. Heard you want a fugitive." Kuril said.

"Some feller named Jack. Where is the guy?" Miranda asked.

"Show them where Jack is." Kuril said.

"Much obliged." Shepard said, tipping his hat and following the turian. They followed him to a wagon, and he motioned for them to look in it. Shepard put his face into the covered wagon and was adjusting to the darkness when Garrus nudged him.

"Shepard, we been ratted out." Garrus said.

"Aw hell." Shepard said, turning around slowly. The turian had a revolver aimed directly between Shepard's eyes.

"Best be gettin' in that wagon now. Kuril done ordered we sell ya' and live like a bunch 'a kings." The turian said.

"You man enough to kill Shepard, Gun o' the Citadel?" Shepard asked, putting his hand near his revolver.

"You man enough to try it?"

"You bet." Shepard said.


	5. Chapter 5

Shepard drew his revolver faster than the turian had time to scoff at Shepard's ego.

"Best be gettin' Jack." Shepard said, raising his grey bandana over his mouth. Miranda followed suit with a black bandana with a Cerberus sign. "Learnin' from me, Ms. Lawson."

"Gotta admit, you're passin' up my expectations." Miranda said.

"Thank ya' kindly." Shepard said, shooting a few turians that had came to investigate who shot who. Shepard looked around and spotted a few turians bickering while getting a woman. She was dressed very...unladylike, to say the least.

"Jack ways more 'n I thought she would." The turians said.

"Stop ur bi-" The other turiand was cut off as Jack released a wave of Psychic energy, cracking the turian's bones.

"Jack's a man?" Garrus asked.

"We'd better get 'er 'fore she kills our horses." Miranda said.

"Got'cha." Shepard said, shooting any mercenary that saw them. Shepard was going to go through the middle when a repeater shot nearly blew the toe of his boot off.

"I was gonna sell ya'! Live like a king!" Kuril shouted, killing any one of the convicts he caught that managed to get free and was trying to run into the desert. "But ya' ain't worth it! But I can save Jack!"

"Ya' two-bit slave trader!" Shepard shouted, jumping behind a wagon. "I ain't got time to play games with ya'! But I do got time to... CHALLENGE YA' TO A DUEL!"

The whole camp went silent. Being challenged to a duel was the second-most distracting thing to say, right behind 'look at that naked volus!' When someone challenged you to a duel, you could say no...if you wanted to live your life lower on the social ladder than a genocidal quarian that sets children and farms on fire. "I accept!" Kuril shouted, jumping off of the carriage he was standing on.

M.E.W.

Kuril stood parallel to Shepard, both of their hands hovering over a revolver. Kuril licked his lips with his pointy tongue, his blood rushing under his plates. He knew Shepard was one of the best gunmen in the West, and Kuril kept remembering something his 'momma' told him when he told her about Purgatory, a service where they carted the most dangerous sapient beings alive in wagons: 'Ya' gonna meet a bad end if ya' do this, son! Gonna meet a terrible end!'

_"'Course," Kuril thought, "My momma was a prostitute. What did she know?"_

"Draw!" Miranda shouted, and two guns went off. Kuril was shaking so bad Shepard's shoulder had barely been grazed, while Kuril's tiny brain was spattered all over the wagon behind him.

"Now, ya'll gonna give us Jack, or do I have 'ta duel all ya'll?" Shepard asked, ripping a bit of cloth off of Kuril's dead body and tying it around his shoulder. Everyone muttered 'I ain't gonna stop 'ya.' and looked at the sand, idly rubbing their toes in it. "Much obliged." Shepard smiled, walking towards Jack.

"Who're you?" Jack asked, glowing with psychic energy.

"Shepard. We need ya' mastery of everythin' psychic and whatnot." Shepard said, pulling his bandana down.

"The hell makes you think I'd befriend _Cerberus_?" Jack asked, spitting 'Cerberus' out like it left a bad taste on her tongue.

"'Cause you happen to be in the middle of the desert, and all ya'll horses done been shot, or, in the case of that one, shot and partially ate." Shepard said, gesturing toward one of the horses.

"'Still bein' eaten, Shepard." Miranda said, watching the man eat handfuls of the horse. "That ain't right." Miranda shot the guy before he kept eating the horse.

"Nevermind the horses condition, I need ya' help." Shepard said.

"Then ya'll give me Cerberus stuff. Letters, notes, whatever I want." Jack said.

"Anythin' if ya' help us." Shepard said.

"Shepard, ya' can't do that!" Miranda said.

"Oh, Cerberus-girl gonna cry?" Jack laughed cruelly. "So, we gonna stand 'round here all day, or we gonna get outta here 'fore the desert kills us?"

"Gettin' outta here." Shepard said, pulling his bandana back over his mouth. "Wanna ride with me, Garrus, or Miranda."

"Whoever's farthest 'way from Cerberus-girl." Jack said.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I got my 360 back from Microsoft! -MN1**

Shepard followed Kelly into the debriefing room.

"The Illusive Man is sendin' another message." Kelly said, sitting down beside the telegraph. "'We have it on good information that another city is going to be attacked.'" Kelly said, reading what the Illusive Man was sending. "'It's Horizon. One of your old crewmembers, Ashley Williams, is there.'"

"Ash? Why's she there?" Shepard asked.

"'She is fixing the city's defenses in anticipation for the Collector attack.'"  
The Illusive Man said.

"Me 'n my crew'll haul ass 'n get there." Shepard said.

"'Good.'" The Illusive Man said.

M.E.W.

"The hell?" Shepard asked no one in particular.

"What's the prob'lem, Shep?" Garrus asked.

"This ain't an alien." Shepard said, kicking the recently-made corpse of a Collector.

"They ain't gotta be human, they just gotta get plenty of credits." Miranda said, spitting on the body.

"Hey, Shep, 'member that horse-trainer?" Garrus asked.

"Uh-huh." Shepard nodded.

"He said somethin' 'bout Ash." Garrus said, which was more than enough for Shepard.

"I know."

"Think she's okay?" Garrus asked.

"Better be. Gonna be killin' Collectors regardless." Shepard said as a person walked from behind the crates. Shepard quickly turned, his revolver drawn, when he noticed who it was.

"Speak 'o the Devil." Garrus chuckled, hoping to get a laugh from Shepard, but his leader was in his own world, a world where he was alone with Ash. He slowly walked toward Ash, wearing men's clothing (as always), giving her a hug. Ash returned the hug, right before she slapped him.

"Prob'ly deserved that." Shepard said, fixing his hat.

"The hell were you?!" Ash asked.

"Not 'round where I shoulda been." Shepard said.

"Shepard, everyone thought you was dead! Why didn't ya' send me a letter?" Ash asked.

"Didn't know where ya' were. Went to ask Anderson, but 'e just blew me off." Shepard said.

"When did ya' do that?" Miranda asked.

"Shep's always been a wanderer. Never could stay a whole night in a buildin'." Garrus said.

Ash turned, walking away. "I can't stay here, Shep. I gotta go."

Shepard quickly reloaded his revolver, clicking it shut. "Back to the horses. I ain't got time to waste in this hellhole."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I got my 360 back from Microsoft! -MN1**

Shepard followed Kelly into the debriefing room.

"The Illusive Man is sendin' another message." Kelly said, sitting down beside the telegraph. "'We have it on good information that another city is going to be attacked.'" Kelly said, reading what the Illusive Man was sending. "'It's Horizon. One of your old crewmembers, Ashley Williams, is there.'"

"Ash? Why's she there?" Shepard asked.

"'She is fixing the city's defenses in anticipation for the Collector attack.'"  
The Illusive Man said.

"Me 'n my crew'll haul ass 'n get there." Shepard said.

"'Good.'" The Illusive Man said.

M.E.W.

"The hell?" Shepard asked no one in particular.

"What's the prob'lem, Shep?" Garrus asked.

"This ain't an alien." Shepard said, kicking the recently-made corpse of a Collector.

"They ain't gotta be human, they just gotta get plenty of credits." Miranda said, spitting on the body.

"Hey, Shep, 'member that horse-trainer?" Garrus asked.

"Uh-huh." Shepard nodded.

"He said somethin' 'bout Ash." Garrus said, which was more than enough for Shepard.

"I know."

"Think she's okay?" Garrus asked.

"Better be. Gonna be killin' Collectors regardless." Shepard said as a person walked from behind the crates. Shepard quickly turned, his revolver drawn, when he noticed who it was.

"Speak 'o the Devil." Garrus chuckled, hoping to get a laugh from Shepard, but his leader was in his own world, a world where he was alone with Ash. He slowly walked toward Ash, wearing men's clothing (as always), giving her a hug. Ash returned the hug, right before she slapped him.

"Prob'ly deserved that." Shepard said, fixing his hat.

"The hell were you?!" Ash asked.

"Not 'round where I shoulda been." Shepard said.

"Shepard, everyone thought you was dead! Why didn't ya' send me a letter?" Ash asked.

"Didn't know where ya' were. Went to ask Anderson, but 'e just blew me off." Shepard said.

"When did ya' do that?" Miranda asked.

"Shep's always been a wanderer. Never could stay a whole night in a buildin'." Garrus said.

Ash turned, walking away. "I can't stay here, Shep. I gotta go."

Shepard quickly reloaded his revolver, clicking it shut. "Back to the horses. I ain't got time to waste in this hellhole."


	8. Chapter 8

Miranda was sitting on the porch of their base, thinking about the Gun of the Citadel when Joker sat by her, glass of whiskey in hand.

"What're ya' doin'?" Miranda asked, narrowing her eyes.

"Nothin'." Joker said. "Credit fer ya' thoughts?"

Miranda just looked at him.

"Gonna guess, then. Ya' don't know what ta' expect from Shep." Joker said.

Miranda, though her face didn't change, was surprised. The horse-trainer was right on the money.

"Ain't easy knowin' Shep. Even harder findin' out 'bout his past." Joker said. "I reckon nobody does. Don't mean the 'War-Hero' horse-"

"Joker!" Doctor Chakwas interrupted.

"What? I was gonna say manure! I swear on my word!" Joker said.

"Your word isn't worth much." Doctor Chakwas said.

"Wish I could argue with that." Joker laughed. "Back ta' the story. Don't mean the 'War-Hero' horse MANURE, but I mean as he was a kid. Ain't nobody knows 'bout that. I know ya' don't wanna talk to some dumb horse-trainin' idiot, but I reckon I now Shep better 'n 'bout everybody else."

The three horses moved quickly through the desert, nobody saying a word. Shepard, Miranda, and Garrus all wore bandanas over their mouth and cowboy hats, and all were ready to fight through the geth that were attacking Tali. Soon, they saw a bronze machine that-roughly-looked like a quarian, with a grate in its chest, fueling the geth. Now, time for a history lesson. The quarian were miners, and had a larger supply of coal than any other race. They created the geth for cheap labor. When the geth rebelled, the quarians were disgraced and kicked from the Council, and some of the largest coal deposits were taken over by the geth, who use it to fuel themselves.

It is a known fact that this history makes Shepard's fights with geth extremely violent, for an unknown reason.

Shepard stood on his horse, drawing the attention of his squad and geth, and had Kaidan charge at the geth, only to jump off and land behind one of the machines. Shepard grabbed the machine around the neck and used it as a human shield, shooting the other geth over its shoulder. After the other geth were all destroyed, Shepard put his revolver up to the geth's lantern head, finishing it off.

"Damn!" Garrus exclaimed.


	9. Chapter 9

"Good t' have ya' on the team." Shepard said, taking his hat off and putting it on a hat rack in the base.

"Can't believe ya' got Reegar out alive." Tali said.

"He's Shepard. Does the impossible." Garrus said.

"Hey, we need somebody ta' plow the fields." Kelly said. "It's gonna have ta' be Shep or Garrus."

Shepard took out a small gold coin, with '.50 credits' stamped on it, and flipped it into the air, catching it and slapping it on the back of his hand.

"Heads." Garrus said. Shepard looked at the coin and cursed.

"Was gonna take a nap 'fter killin' them geth." Shepard sighed, and walked out to the barn.

"Never seen a man like Shep." Miranda said.

"Ain't another man like that." Tali said.

"Wonder what made 'em the man he is." Miranda said, watching Shepard work out of one of the windows.

"Prob'ly lost his family durin' Mindoir." Tali said.

"Maybe 'e was born in one o' them bad streets in Earth." Kelly said.

"Maybe he had a normal childhood, 'n had some bad fights on Torfan." Miranda said.

"Nah, he'd prob'ly been in the Blitz." Tali said.

"Maybe his whole unit was wiped out my one o' them Maws." Kelly said.

"Man like that don't need a history." Garrus said, leaning back in a chair. "His present is bad enough."

The three women nodded in agreement.

"Wonder of he's got a girl." Tali said.

"He's got Ash. Garrus and Joker told me." Miranda said, and Garrus suddenly got up and walked off.

"When did that happen? Ash and Shep were close, but not that close." Tali said.

Miranda blinked in surprise, then ran after the turian. "Ya' damn bastard! Liar!"

"Couldn't help myself! And Joker had ta' get on it too!" Garrus shouted.

Tali laughed, watching Miranda chase Garrus, then sighed in relief. She had feelings for the Gun of the Citadel, even if he didn't know it.

**A/N: Yeah, I know, the whole 'Ash-and-Shep-hugging' was misleading, but I was like Garrus and Joker: I couldn't help myself.**

**And besides, I like Tali more anyways. Just like a lot of other Mass Effect fans.**

**(Yay for being with the majority!)**

**-MN1**


	10. Chapter 10

"Illium. A giant city fulla rich asari." Tali said.

"Shep, why the hell we here again?" Garrus asked.

"We gotta get an assassin an' a Justicar." Shepard said, quickly putting his hand on his revolver when an asari walked towards him.

"We done got rid o' yer dockin' fees." The asari said.

"Who the hell paid them fees?" Shepard asked.

"Liara T'Soni." The asari said. "She wants ta' see ya'."

"She's gonna get what she wants." Shepard said. "Thank ya', ma'am."

M.E.W.

_A few hours before arrival at Illium, back at the Ranch._

"How ya' doin', Tali?" Shepard asked.

"Done better." Tali said. "Done gone and got myself a damn fever."

"Ya' okay, Tali? D'ya need rest, or some medicine?" Shepard asked.

"Nah, I'm fine." Tali said. "Got a rupture in my suit."

"Suited life don't sound too fun." Shepard said.

"Stayin' outta my suit ain't possible. Even gotta stay in it 'round my family." Tali said. "Can't even get close to none of my People. Not that I ever...aw, damn it."

"Tali, ya' don't have ta' prove nothin' ta' me." Shepard said. "And I know what'cha mean."

"Yeah, but Shep, usually that mean ya' are willin' ta'...y'know. Do things. Like married people do." Tali said.

"I feel like ya' do, Tali." Shepard said, leaning against a wall with a devious grin.

"Ya' do? Eh, I mean...good." Tali said, heart thumping against her ribs. "I gotta work. See ya' later, Shep."

"See ya' Tali." Shepard said.

M.E.W.

**A/N: Yeah, it's short, I know. I just feel like ending the chapter with Tali and Shepard talking was a good idea.**

**-MN1**


	11. Chapter 11

Shepard blew a husk's head off and picked up a geth with the sleeve of an old Spectre leather jacket on.

"Shep, you sure we should bring that damn thing with us?" Tali asked.

"We ain't got time to talk 'bout it!" Shepard said, steam from the machine causing him to sweat. "We gotta get out o' this train!"

"It's a Reaper-train, Shepard. Not a normal train." Garrus said.

Shepard smashed a door down and jumped out of it, hoping the steam engine wouldn't blow up and kill him and his team. "I don't give a damn if this thing is the Queen o' Omega! We. Need. To. Go!" Shepard jumped on Kaiden and wrapped a spare leather belt around himself and the inactive geth so that it wouldn't fall off the horse unless Shepard did, and Shepard never fell off a horse in his life. "Yee-ha!" Shepard shouted, and his horse charged forward, Garrus and Tali following close behind. A few moments later, the train exploded in a giant fireball.

"Shep." Garrus said.

"Yeah?" Shepard asked, stopping his horse, taking his cowboy hat off, wiping the sweat off of his head, and putting it back on.

"The hell do the Reapers wanna end the West?"

"Don't know. Don't care. I only want that sonofabitch who leads 'em to die." Shepard said. "And when I do find him, I guaran-damn-tee you that it's gonna be biblical."

"And I'll be right by yer side, Shep." Tali said.

"'Course ya' would, Tali. Ya' always got my back, even when it ain't worth havin'." Shepard smiled.

"Get a room, ya' two." Garrus said.

"I'll kill ya', Garrus. I really will. Back to the base y'all." Shepard said, and his horse began to move.

M.E.W.

"Tali, what's wrong? Kelly done said you had a problem." Shepard said, leaning against a wall.

"It ain't nothin', Shep. I just-"

"Tali, don't you dare lie to me.*"

Tali giggled. "Yer cute when yer so serious. The Admiral Board gone and accused me o' treason."

"That's crazy! You ain't ever done somethin' in yer life without thinkin' 'bout the damn Migrant Wagon Train! I oughta-"

"Shep, calm down. I'm gonna go to a trial." Tali said.

"We'll go dawn tomorrow." Shepard said.

"You gonna take me there yerself?" Tali asked.

"'Course. Wasn't gonna let ya' take some train, was I?" Shepard said.

**A/N: Every time Tali and Shepard talk the chapters are too short...But the series is a TaliXShepard romance (Like most of your stories!-A guy in the back shouts.) so I have to have Shepard and Tali talk. It's an insane Mexican Standoff.**

**-MN1**


	12. Chapter 12

Shepard walked into a giant carriage, where three quarians stood.

"That's the Admiralty Board." Tali whispered into Shepard's ear.

"I c'n tell." Shepard said. "So, I gotta speak for ya'?"

"Yeah. You got a problem with it, Shep?"

"Nah. 'N fact, I'd love ta'." Shepard said, and walked toward the Admiralty Board, his spurs clicking on the floor. "Tali's innocent. 'N truth, this whole damn thing ain't worth two credits."

Tali was surprised by Shepard's coldness. Sure, he wasn't yelling, but Shepard hardly ever yelled outside of combat. But when Shepard was angry off of the battlefield, you could feel the desert air somehow growing colder. The Board felt this, apparently, because they all gave one simultaneous shiver.

"D'ya' really think that, Gun o' the Citadel?" One of the board asked. "How else'd geth get on the Alarei?"

"The hell?" Tali shouted in surprise.

"Board, we gotta search that vehicle! I ain't gonna stand here an' let any quarians left die!" Shep said.

"'Course. Ya' can run off ta' the Alarei if ya' want. But if ya' don't get offa that quick, we're gonna blow it up. With ya' on it, or offa it." One of the Board said.

"I'll get offa it, ya' evil bastard. Bet yer damn suit on it." Shepard said.

M.E.W.

"Aw hell!" Tali shouted. Her jump fell short of the carriage, and she was rapidly falling toward the ground, and, by extension, her death. Shepard's hand shot down, grabbing her wrist.

"Damn it!" Shepard shouted, a geth putting its flashlight head outside of the carriage. Shepard was shot in the shoulder, but didn't let go of Tali; instead, he tossed her up into the carriage and crawled in himself. "Damn those bastards!"

"Yer wound ain't bad, Shep." Garrus said. He'd gotten into the carriage first, saying 'Chivalry's dead.'

"Shut up, ya' bastard." Shepard said, putting medi-gel on his wound. "'Chivalry's dead!' Should be 'Garrus is dead!' Where'd yer father be?"

"Don't know, Shep." Tali said. "Ain't ever been on the ship."

Shepard sighed. "Better get goin'."

**A/N: I think of the carriages as ridiculously big. Like some crazy steampunk-ish version.**

**-MN1**


	13. Chapter 13

Shepard shot three geth in the head, one after another, their bodies slamming on the wood.

"Best get this done real quick." Shepard said, walking around the geth bodies.

"Hey Shep?" Tali asked.

"Yeah?"

"Why d'ya kill geth like ya' hate 'em. I mean, I seen quarians who don't kill geth like ya' do." Tali said.

"'Cause I hate 'em more than anythin' else. Y'see, I know what it's like ta' lose yer home, yer family. And damn it all, didn't take geth to take that 'way from me." Shepard said, reloading his revolver and clicking it shut. "But that ain't fer ya' to hear."

A geth walked through the door, and was promptly killed.

"Shep, whadd'ya mean?" Tali asked.

"'Bout what?"

"Losin' yer family. We don't got no idea what yer talkin' 'bout-!" Tali was shocked when Shepard unloaded every single bullet in his revolver into a geth's chest.

"That ain't important no more. I done took care o' it." Shepard said, nearly tripping over the body of a dead quarian.

"Father!" Tali shouted, leaning down beside the body. "Ya' wouldn't do this ta' me! Ya' just wouldn't! Ya' always had a way outta things, an-" Tali felt Shepard gently touch her shoulder, and she stood and gave the Gun of the Citadel a hug. "Damn it." She sobbed. "Damn it. I'm sorry, Shep."

"Ya' have nothin' to feel bad 'bout." Shepard said, noticing a letter on the floor. Tali followed his gaze and picked it up, reading it aloud.

"'Tali, the geth are gonna kill me real soon.'" Tali said. "'I'm sorry. But the geth are gonna need shut down, and I got an automatic kill-switch in the front o' the carriage.' Thanks, Dad."

"This mighta not been what ya' wanted, or what was best. But it was the best he coulda done." Shepard said, taking his hat off in respect.

"Let's just kill these damn geth and get offa this carriage. I gotta go to my trial." Tali said. "Thank ya', Shep."

"Any time, Tali." Shepard said, putting his hat back on.


	14. Chapter 14

The Admiral Board were heatedly debating whether or not to 'blow the Alarei to Kingdom Come' when Shepard and his squad literally kicked the door open, the Gun of the Citadel smiling.

"Now, don't know 'bout ya'll, but Tali killin' all them geth sure does make me think she's loyal to tha' Migrant Wagon Train." Shepard said.

"Her loyalty was never questioned, only her judgment." The least-favorite Admiral Board member said.

"I'm 'bout damn tired o' yer constant bitchin', Qwib-qwib. Shut yer trap 'fore I blow yer damn head off!" Shepard shouted, surprising every single person in the room.

"I'm damn proud o' the Qwib-qwib!" Qwib-qwib shouted.

"You wanna take this outside, Qwibby?" Shepard asked.

"I'll put a hole in that cowboy hat!" Qwub-qwib shouted back.

"I'll put a hole in yer suit!"

"HEY!" Tali's aunt shouted. "We're here fer Tali, not fer you two idiots ta' shout at each other."

"Coulda fooled me." Garrus muttered.

"Shep, did ya' find any evidence fer Tali?" Tali's aunt asked.

"Shep..." Tali said.

Shepard winked, and walked up to the stand. "Tali don't need any evidence. She ain't done nothin' wrong. Without her, there wouldn't be no Migrant anythin'. She played a real big part in savin' the galaxy, and ta' see her treated like this by her own people is makin' me sick!"

"You can't make a speech ta' save yer life." Qwib-qwib said.

Shepard's hand flinched towards her revolver, which was enough to make Qwib-qwib duck, shouting in surprise.

"That's what I thought." Shepard said.

"Vote." Tali's aunt said simply. Two out of three judges said 'innocent.' Qwib-qwib, after finding suitable cover (behind two other quarians. Damn coward.) said 'guilty.'

Shepard tipped his hat, and said "Much obliged."


	15. Chapter 15

"How ya' doin', Tali?" Shepard asked, his hat and bandana off in the safety of their base.

"Great, Shep. Can't tell ya' how much what ya' said means ta' me, though. 'Course, ya' can get somebody else, if'n yer not interested. Not complainin' if yer still interested, though." Tali said.

"Momma raised me ta' stick with a woman. I'm stickin' with ya'." Shepard smiled.

"Ya' had a mother? Interestin'." Tali said, teasing the Gun of the Citadel.

"My past ain't a concern ta' nobody but me." Shepard said, then turned to leave. "I gotta get goin'. Suicide mission ain't gonna do itself."

"Wait, Shep!" Tali said, following him. Shepard turned, and Tali gave him a hug. "Be with me, first."

"Well, aren't you mighty blunt?" Shepard asked.

"Maybe. But yer the one a-goin' off to yer death." Tali said, and Shepard nodded, and took her hand, surprising the quarian. She had no idea he could actually be that gentle. And, the next day, Shepard was up at dawn, off to the impossible mission. It was the first time the Gun of the Citadel prayed in two years.

M.E.W.

The giant train was in the middle of a large amount of wrecked carriages. It was obviously dangerous, and even more obvious that, should you be anything below the greatest horse-rider in the West, it was your grave. So, Joker, who insisted they would need his skills, was right.

"Shut up, ya' ornery bastard, and get me to tha' side o' that train!" Shepard said. Joker carefully-and quickly- got to the side of the train, Shepard's horse Kaiden not getting one scratch on him. "Now, keep tha' horse alive." Shepard said, made sure his bag had everything he needed, and hopped on the top of the stationary train, walking along it until he go to the back. "I'm a-gonna kill that Illusive bastard when I get outta here." Shepard sighed, and kicked open the train's back door, two revolvers held at head height. Immediately, Shepard began shooting, killing several Collectors before they knew what was happening.

"This hurts you!" Shepard heard someone shout, and a giant rifle bullet went through his shoulder, causing the Gun of the Citadel to shout in pain.

"Ya' sonofa-!" Shepard jumped behind a seat, reloaded his revolvers, and ran up to a Collector member, kicking him in the stomach so that he leaned over, shooting a couple of his friends, then kicking him in the face so he rose up just as the Collectors shot back. Then, Shepard shot the heavily-injured Collector in the face, took a bottle of booze out, ripped a bit of cloth from a Collector's shirt, put it in the bottle. He lit it and tossed the molotov cocktail, setting the last of the Collectors (in that train car, at least) on fire, killing them.

Shepard stood, breathed deeply, and forced himself to go forward. There couldn't be many more, he reasoned. Then, a giant man busted through the door.

"I challenge you, Shepard, to a dual." The man said.

"The hell are you?" Shepard asked.

"The Collector General, the man who shot you in the shoulder with the rifle." The man said.

"Damn. 'At was you?" Shepard said, reloading his revolver. Then, he turned his back to the General, and the General did the same. They put their backs against one another's, and the General counted the steps. Both of them were well-experience in formal Dueling, so they both took steps simultaneously. Then they both turned, guns in holsters.

"Draw!" The General said, and he raised his revolver. Just as he shot Shepard in the stomach, Shepard put a hole in his head and fell to the ground.

Shepard groaned. "Gotta keep goin'." Shepard said, forcing himself up and holding his bleeding stomach. He made it all the way to the front of the train car, the Collectors parting like the Red Sea. Then, Shepard placed the bomb and jumped out of the soon-to-be ash train, running as fast as he could. But it wouldn't be fast enough. Shepard was going to die.

"Damn it!" Shepard said, knowing the end was near. "Damn it! Damn-" He was cut off when someone grabbed his arm with three strong fingers.

"Gotcha Shep." Tali said.

"Thank ya' kindly." Shepard said, adjusting himself to Tali's quarian saddle. He put his head on her neck, and said "Better get ready. Three..."

A couple Collectors that had broken free from their shock that the General had died were trying to get free of the Reaper train, but, several hundred miles away, a Reaper named Harbinger pressed a button, immediately locking the windows.

"Two..." Shepard said, crumpling up a letter from the Illusive Man telling him to use the green dynamite, not the blue dynamite. Shepard hadn't even packed the green dynamite, as nothing that man could want would be good for anyone.

"One..." Shepard said, and a giant explosion rocked the desert, avenging everyone the Collector gang had killed.

M.E.W.

Shepard sat in front of Kelly while she read what the Illusive Man was sending.

"'How could you do this?'" Kelly read. "'Are you trying to let the Reapers put order into the West?' Don't listen to him, Shep. He's bein' an ass." Kelly said.

"Thanks, Kelly. Tell the Illusive Man that I ain't followin' him no more, an' that I'm gonna put six bullets into his damn machine in a few seconds." Shepard said. Kelly quickly sent the message, then jumped up. Shepard drew his revolver and fired six bullets, all from the hip and all hitting the machine dead-on.

"Yer a good shooter, Shep." Kelly said, stating the obvious.

"Thank ya', Kelly." Shepard said, putting a cigar in his mouth and patting himself down for a light. "I gotta go to the bar. I got a few friends that wanna celebrate-" Shepard took the match Kelly offered "-thank ya'. The crew wants ta' celebrate. You comin'?"

"Sure, Shep. Would ya' mind if I said you and Tali were a real cute couple?" Kelly asked.

"Can't get angry over tha' truth, can I?" Shepard asked, blowing smoke out of his mouth.

**A/N: And that was that. The end.**

**-MN1**


End file.
